Adaptasi

Hello,back again after several months of hiatus. ingin sekali berbagi cerita setelah 3 bulan menjalani masa adaptasi. masa2 ini bisa dibilang sulit,sulit dan sangat sulit. aku akan fokus untuk menceritakan kejadian dan orang2 yang kutemui selama adaptasi ini. untuk cerita pribadi dan keluarga akan kuceritakan di lain waktu. sambil ngetik enaknya dengerin lagu olivia rodrigo-vampire. Awal mula adaptasi bener2 seperti diterpa badai,aku sakit diare dan harus dirawat 3 hari di RS. uniknya di hari pertama,pas lg di IGD,aku disuruh masuk kelas untuk penerimaan. like this people keep saying you cant be sick for being a doctor. damn it,aku sendiri ga ingin seperti ini. im a human. well fast forward to the day for examination in one department. i got a lunatic doc that gave me lots of question. like a lot. and she doubts me for not doing really well like she would do. the most annoying is whenever she talked,both her eyes were glued to the phone. she kept blabbering about how busy her life and the most crazy statement she said is,you cant rely on CT,MRI for the true diagnosis. the correct way is how to interviewed the patient and physical examination. the most fucked up is when she asked me why it took me that long to take this adaptation programme and why i chose this city. she said to herself that i must chose this city because its easy and the reason why i went to study abroad because i failed the local university exam. LOL. laugh at my ass,i went to a well developed country and it had increadible machines to diagnosed almost everything and i didnt even try or apply to local uni. its crazy how people judge you like that. she kept asking how a radiotherapy person see a patient and finally gave a treatment plan for a patient without further diagnostic examination. wow im not a professor but from where i learn,i cant just interview and do physical examination then suddenly gave the radiotherapy plan. im no God but this is why so many people dont trust their local doctor,a perfect look of narcisstic and angkuh doctor that so self absorbed and think they are smarter than anyone else,no need to seek second opinion or just a simple diagnostic exam. in the end,that person failed me and im the only one that failed. no second chance like other people,just me failing and left alone. well thats it. one department,one month,one teacher that failed me,and one idiot which is me btw. :)

My life as a mom

its challenging,full of happiness and sadness at the same time,and surprisingly very lonely. I know its my choice to raise my own kid with no nanny. growing up in a household that knows nothing about raising a kid because there's nanny alrite no need to worry. i dont want that. okay my baby is crying now im gonna continue later.

hey blogger

hello! the last ive been here,im still single and crazy about getting married soon. hehe. now im back here with the good news. I'm recently married to the man of my dream. Who would have thought I'm marrying someone way much younger than me. hehe. he is 1996 and im 1992,we're both fighting the entire world to become one. The irony about our wedding is it happened in the Covid-19 pandemic. So can you imagine what happened after the wedding? both me and my husband tested positive for COVID-19. and my mother in law also tested positive. well..well.. it doesnt end there,because most of my husband's family got positive too after covid-19 test. on the other side,my family side is lucky enough they didnt got any covid-19. none of them. well,my brother in law (sister husband) got it before the wedding and he got no symptoms at all. so lucky. today is the third day isolation for me and my husband. well things happened and we both fight like crazy. it hurts so much but hell yeah every couple fight right? hopefully it will turn out better tomorrow.. hopefully. k then i'll write again later :)

its been a while..

Hello Blog. It's been a while since my last post. I'm 28 now. What change? Everything. Ga tau mau mulai darimana. Mungkin dari perasaanku saat ini,yang ingin kujabarkan sepanjang rel kereta. aku hancur. aku ga tau mau mulai darimana. akan ada saat aku merasa bahagia,namun kesedihan itu selalu datang menyambutku setelah aku bahagia.. hidup memang tidak selamanya mulus,tapi aku ingin merasa normal. i feel overwhelmed all the time. it sucks. who can understand a person like me,dont know why whenever i tried to share my feelings all the response i get is pity.symphaty they said. i dont feel comfortable with that. i dont need symphaty.. i tried to talk about this with my parent but the reaction is just..i dont know. its not okay. its never okay for me. i hate it. i hate this feeling. tiap pagi bangun,aku berusaha untuk melanjutkan hidup. melanjutkan hidupku yang rasanya meaningless. who will miss me when im gone? will they cry and mourn or just live the life like nothing happen.. people treat me bad. how much they look down on me.how incompetent i am as a doctor,as a human being trying to save people's live.[ ah. here i am. in my dark thoughts again. somehow i still doubt in love. am i lucky enough to have someone that love me for who i am? the last relationship i had was a disaster. toxic. i wish i never have to encounter a person like that. will the next one be the last one for me? will he understand my dark side?.. will he be okay knowing i have issues. so many issues. i have someone that i love now. i wish he never see this side of me. the crazy me. with suicidal tendencies. wish me luck.